I Should Be Sleeping

I should be sleeping, but I am not. It is midnight here in lovely CO, and I am spending hopefully my last night in the hospital before taking my pink baby home. I would be sleeping, but they just took Samantha in the nursery for a 90 minute carseat test in which they test her ability to breathe in the carseat for that amount of time. Apparently since she is currently less than five pounds, her risks of not breathing in that position increase. So anyhow, she is down the hall waiting to start her test, so I am not sleeping. It has only been 2.5 days since her arrival in my life, and I already can't remember my life without her! I didn't even realize she had been missing from my family until she showed up! I am so lucky to feel the bond with her already as I was fearing that it may not happen right away. With the stress of work, school, kids, summer, and life in general, I was really worried that I might feel she was not brought in at the right time. I am blessed to feel otherwise. I am so in love with her and she is just a tiny little pleasure. She is so dainty and sweet! When she is awake she just stares at me and gently flexes her long fingers back and forth. Her cry can only be deemed a subtle squeak and really quite cute....so far ;) I am so surprised that she came out so tiny, but I think she is the most adorable thing. She got mad at me this morning when my milk came in and, therefore, fatigue and exhaustion took over and the nurse found me crying in my room. It is the worst feeling when you can't give your kids what they need right when they need it. So that is our latest challenge but I think if I can stay patient through her frustrations, we will make a great team.

Rich and Gregory came to have dinner and snuggles with us the past two nights and it was great to see them. I can't quite tell if Gregory likes to come here to see Samantha and I, or if he is more excited to move my bed all around, order pizza from room service, and eat 3+ things of ice-cream that the nurses bring him. The best part for me is when he hops on the bed (freshly cleaned) and all the sticks and dirt fall out of his pockets from the day at school. That's my stinky boy! But he is so sweet and loves that baby! The hardest part for me is that he just wants to love her up and we have to worry about the pesky germs he may be harboring. I hate to tell him "no, don't, stop, back up, you won't be able to have a turn....etc" He just loves her and wants to take care of her, but it is hard for people who are 6 to remember to back up a bit. Hopefully he will catch on, but knowing his little heart, easier said than done!

We haven't had many visitors, but the ones that came have been just right. The thing about hospitals is that there is no rest for the recovering! Just as soon as one of us gets settled, they come poke at the other. Why oh why can't they put mom and baby on the same schedule so that you can have 2 measley hours of uninterupted time? I think they do it on purpose! Well, as difficult the interupptions are, as soon as I leave tomorrow it is all me! Here I get help. I had ladies squeezing my boobs when I thought all hope was lost at ever feeding my child, I have them bringing me water and pain pills, and I basically lay in bed and snuggle miss baby. When i get home tomorrow, the real world sets in and it is back to mommy, wife, housekeeping, school work, and the day to day events. I love and appreciate all of those aspects of my life, but I will admit it is so nice to have the help!

Speaking of coming home, we had to pick a new "come home" outfit because hers came out too tiny for the original. Rich stopped and bought some preemie clothes and Auntie picked out which one will be the replacement come home outfit. It is white with little hearts on it and ruffles on the butt. Not washed, not fresh, not ironed, but it is cute and she will be much more comfy in something she is not drowning in.

Anyhow, I am going to go check on the carseat test. I am sooooo tired, I just want her back in here so I can get some sleep!

Talk to you all soon!
Love L